ranta n ravin'


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Location: Sudbury, Ontario, Canada

Blonde haired, blue eyed Finn,5'11", 160lbs

Monday, January 31, 2005

Painting Tips - Day One

I went to bed as usual at about 11:30. Tossed and turned for 2 hours and then I thought to myself Marcel, (or is that myself – never was sure) get up, and do something.
What would a "normal" person do? Have a nice cup of Camomile Tea, few ounces of warm milk? Well I didn’t have either.
Being the person that I am, I made coffee. Not really the best idea because after a cup or two of that I was really awake.
Now what would a "normal" person do? Well like most I’m sure, I decided to paint my living room.
I found all the left over cans of paint my parents gave me from recently painting their place. I realised that I didn’t have enough one colour to paint even one wall.
What does a normal person do? Mix them all together right?
Well, I’m kind of started. I held my thumb up to the wall as I was shaking the shit out of a rusted, bent lid can of paint. (For future reference, don’t do this on an uncovered wood floor.)
At this point I figure I’m not going to sleep at all and I just happened to have a few beer in the fridge. (Yeah the new one that now had splatters of some colour of paint on it.) Well I cracked one. Hmm, inspiration?
Now what? I didn’t have a tarp but heck it’s an apartment newspaper will do. I decided that I’d start with the "big" wall because it would dry first and I could put my computer desk back.
Brilliant! (For future reference, unplug everything first.) I managed to catch my monitor before it hit the floor too.
Well the sweat had worked up so maybe just one more beer.
I found my "tools of my new trade", brush – yeah, just one and a couple of paint roller refills.
Hmm, no handle for the rollers. Well I’m using latex paint. I can just wash my hands with soap and water after.
I managed to smear my new paint on one wall when my neighbour knocked on my door. What the hell are you doing at this time of night? He asked. "Oh just some touch ups, sorry to wake you."
Not wanting to bother him anymore by scraping furniture across the floor I decided that I'd just use my wheeled desk chair to stand on.
Okay, okay that wasn’t the best decision of the night. On my first attempt I took out 3 plants, a vase, my electric waterfall rock thing and the glass top to my end table. Not to mention more spilled paint.
Time for another beer and rethink this. I know! I’ll just stand on the existing furniture and paint around them! This worked well for a while but how do I get to the baseboards? Aah I’ll do that tomorrow.
After cleaning everything else up I was really sweating. My glasses kept slipping off my nose. Well you only really need them for reading Rob I said to Marcel (myself? Still not sure.) I took them off and grabbed another beer.
Well at this point the wall wasn’t looking too bad. I should have enough for the rest of the room. I wasn’t trying to do a Martha Stewart or Debbie Travis with the paint but it looked kind of funky.
I managed to get a little paint on the ceiling and of course not having a wet cloth on hand I thought that I could actually reach it with the tail of the tee shirt I was wearing. Nope.
I fell off of my remaining end table. I hit the floor with enough noise to rouse my poor neighbour again.
After wrapping my elbow in a tensor bandage and cauterising the bleeding on my cheek, I grabbed yet another beer.
Well you are probably more tired from reading this than I was at this point.
I sat down on what room was left on my couch to see what I could paint next. The impact of me hitting the seat knocked the glass framed print that I had so carefully leaned against the back fell and broke on the doorknob of the closet.
I cleaned that up that mess and right pissed off I decided that because I still wasn’t tired that I’d go on line and answer some neglected email. I cleared off my skateboard of a desk chair and flopped down. Only to puncture my ass with the paint roller handle that I couldn’t find earlier – so I thought. It just so happened to be a broken
Clothes hanger AND me f’n eyeglasses!
Ergo, the enhanced font as I am typing with one hand as I hold the remaining lens to my other eye.
As if painting the walls in this old apartment wasn’t hard enough, there are so many poorly patched holes and cracks it was sort of like putting Clearasil on a burn victim. Not nice I know but true.
At 6:30 my perturbed yet concerned neighbour came up on his way to work. He finds me with more paint on me than on the walls. The place is in shambles, I’m bleeding and half in the bag.
The son of a bitch has the nerve to say, "Rob what colour is that? It kind of looks like well, I’m not sure but well, nicotine stain and mould." (I guess you can’t mix Cottonwood and Terra Cotta latex with John Deere Green Super High Gloss Enamel)
"Maybe you should have turned on the overhead light before you started" If my living room looks like nicotine and mould I’m back where I started from!
His funeral services will probably be over before this paint dries.
Moral? None. But I am going out to buy some Camomile Tea today.

Mr. Roger's neighbourhood - NOT -Updated

What is a concerned citizen to do?
Approximately a month ago on a Wednesday night around 9:PM I called 911 to report a break and enter in progress. I witnessed a few people leaving my neighbour’s apartment with all of his electronic equipment. I knew my neighbour was at work at the time and from the whispering then shouting to "hurry the f’k up" I suspected criminal activity. I called Crime Stoppers first but was put on hold. I then called 911.
The 911 operator took my detailed descriptions as well as the location and direction of the suspects.
Over an hour later, after calling my neighbour at work (Robert stated emphatically "Don’t call the cops whatever you do I have 5 huge pot plants in my bedroom closet. – Too late.) Waiting for him to return home, I called the "non-emergency" number to see if there was ever going to be any follow up on this. I was rudely informed that "life and death situations take precedence over property". (No kidding?)
Within minutes of my call back, I was given the privileged services of two cruisers and four officers. Two remained in the alley across the street and two came up to have me reiterate for over an hour the exact same things I had told the 911 operator. (Meanwhile the real victim of the crime Robert was waiting downstairs in his apartment) I surmised that the "life and death situations" that required all on duty officers an hour before had been resolved (or perhaps resolved themselves?)
Tonight I called the "non-emergency" number for the Sudbury Regional Police to report some vandalism. (After calling CrimeStoppers and being put on hold.)
There were two "kidiots" throwing beer bottles against the sides of buildings and onto the street in front of my apartment building. They appeared to be underage and obviously inebriated.
Halfway through my description of the offenders I was interrupted by the operator who was more interested in MY name, address and phone number. The operator then told me that they were extremely busy. (Granted, it was a Saturday near midnight) She then asked if I’d like to have an officer visit. I declined and told her that they seemed to have more bottles and were heading up MacKenzie towards Kathleen. (If there was an available officer - send him/her after the kids!)
I do not normally call the police over what I would consider trivial matters. I have been sucker punched; accosted, harassed and even had bottles throw at me from drunken fools leaving the Grand Nightclub on more than one occasion. Those sorts of things come with the territory.
My concern is how the now infamous Donovan has encroached this once quiet and respected area of town.
For example the exemplary citizens who allow their packs of half-bred Pitbulls and Rottweillers crap in the middle of the sidewalk. (Yes I have called Animal Control because a free roaming Pitbull attempted to attack another neighbour’s small dog and there were young children playing in the back)
I truly hope that the term "Police Services" doesn’t become as much of an oxymoron as "Health Care" has here in Sudbury!
My suggestion is to open a doughnut franchise in the Donovan. The response time would increase exponentially!.
Saturday, November 6, 2004.
Tonight at about 11:30 p.m. I called Crime Stoppers to report three inebriated young males driving away from a party. (My sister was killed by a drunk driver 3 minutes from home)
Crime Stoppers suggested that I call the police because the accused "would have to be caught in the act".
I called the local "non-emergency" line and gave the vehicle descriptions (all suped up Honda’s) one plate number and the name and address of where they left from and in which direction they were headed. I also informed the operator of the name and address of one of the car owners. (Party host Adam)
This whole process took almost 30 minutes.
I told the operator that they were probably headed to "The Grand" which is about (well, in their case a 30 second drive as they were racing) 5 minutes away. "Parking not included".
I should probably have reported this the first couple of times it happened but I lacked any vital information.
In order to have my complaints heard by someone, I called the "non-emergency) number again and asked if there was an Email address I could send this diatribe to.
This "police services" operator said "I don’t know of any email addresses or exactly who you would talk to?"
I then asked for the name of the Chief of Police. (Which I knew) She replied "uh, Davidson? Davidson yeah Ian Davidson and the Deputy is Cunningham. I can’t remember his first name."
Wednesday, December 23, 2004.
Yet another futile effort dealing with the Sudbury Regional Police and Crime Stoppers.
My neighbours (and friends) have been having a difficult time with the aforementioned Robert . (The individual that I reported the break and enter for.) His music is always too loud! Starting anywhere from 3 am to 10 am, pretty much every day from what I’ve been told.
Craig, the complainant finally decided to register a complaint with the police. He came to me asking advice due to the fact that our Landlord Louis DeLongChamp never does anything except say, "call the police".
Although I may be implicating myself in something, the night of the B and E, the same Robert seemed somewhat panicked due to the fact that he had pot in his apartment. So I volunteered to take his plants out for him. Knowing absolutely nothing about Marijuana or any other drugs I just assumed it was for his own use.
Approximately a month ago I noticed quite a few rather young kids coming and going from the building around 2:30 – 3:00 P.M. (Right after school? We live a block from Sudbury Secondary) Then there were kids showing up at all hours in Taxi’s. Some had obviously come on foot, as they would be hanging around the very small, unsecured lobby of the building. Nobody ever stayed anymore than a few minutes. (The cabs would wait) The proverbial piano finally hit me on the head and I realised that Robert was dealing.
Craig’s "noise complaint" call was the impetus for me to finally do something. I had told Craig that if and when the police showed up, to give them my name as a co-complainant and that I had other information about Robert. They didn’t bother walking up the stairs.
Craig had informed the officers that did show up that he had suspected drug activity.
Their concern was the noise issue – period. They spoke to Robert, gave him a warning and left.
I called the Sudbury Regional Police Complaint line saying that I would like to add to the original complaint that was called in to voice MY concerns of the suspected drug trafficking.
The operator/officer that took my call, audibly sighed, informed me who to speak to and that he was on duty until 2 A.M. I was put through to Constable Brouillette’s voicemail.
After waiting an hour and a half I called back (at 1:45 A.M.) and was informed that Constable Brouillette had left for the night. Because I had previously mentioned that this was a drug-related call this same operator/officer gave me Sergeant Orsino’s voicemail. I left yet another message.
As a last resort I called Crime Stoppers again stating the fact that I was making no headway with the local police. This very cordial lady took all the info she needed thanked me and assured me that she would inform the proper authorities.
I am sure by this point of the night/morning Robert has clued into as to what is finally coming down (That the other tenants of this building will not tolerate his illegal activity nor his irresponsibility or lack of respect for others.) and is perhaps getting rid of all "evidence" as I type.

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005.
Another fruitless night dealing with the local chapter of Regional Police.
I called the "Non-Emergency number again to report obvious drug dealing. I spoke with Officer Watkins. Nice man, lots to say and plenty of time to chat – desk duty I presume.
I informed him of my previous attempts to contact Officer Orsino or anyone else on the "Drug Squad".
Officer Watkins informed me that "Oh they must have all worked dayshift. Officer Clark was here but I don’t see him around now." Orsino? Ah, he’s seldom here. I’ll give you an extension number (6326) that you can leave a message on. Officer Landriault might be in tomorrow."
I explained the situation to Officer Watkins again. (Beginning of the month heavy trafficking etc…)
Could this "Desk duty Officer" not relay a message? Take my number (again) and have someone call me at his or her convenience?
As for the local Crime Stoppers – what a laugh! Quite frankly in my opinion if Paul Brokenshire has anything to do with it will eventually render itself useless or become corrupt. I reported him DUI with a City of Sudbury van over ten years ago.
My current concerns are the increased amount of vandalism, traffic (and Trafficking) noise, garbage but most of all the drug addicts lingering in the lobby waiting for Rob to show up.
This is a small eight-unit building. I pay good rent and would like to feel safe as well as have a modicum of dignity when my friends and family come to visit. (My cousin will not bring my goddaughter here again)
I can neither afford nor want to move as I like the location (generally) and my apartment itself. (I’ve put quite a bit of work into it)
What’s next?

I Hate TeleTech

Louise thank you for your apology, but some very old wounds have been opened.I am glad to hear that you, Kim and Donna have all made up! I guess you don't recall the hardcopy email I brought to you when the Kim/Donna team referred to you as Louweasel. I'm sure I could find it if you need a refresher. You said then that you really did't care what they said - good on you.Donna, as far as Louise's hurt - blurt about me dissing you, like I haven't heard from a number of people as to how you put me down. But hey, you were my "professional" boss so you had every right. I'm sure not much has changed, you'ld still rather complain to everyone except the person involved in order to avoid conflict.One question you never did answer is why you and Kim singled me out to be the unneccesary second T.C.? You were well aware of the fact that Kim falsified my Excel test although you were conviently in Timmins at the time. Are you aware of how many qualified people left TTech because of this?I can still access all the email that you and Kim included me in on where you both are putting down just about everybody. Contrary to what Kim said I never deleted anything by mistake - It was all saved to a PST file. Kathy Roy's wardrobe and teeth, Lynn Webster - well neither of you ever stopped. Sharon Marunchak's eyes (sorry Kim - wrong again it's thyroid not haemorrhoid) You two didn't leave anyone out!The friggin' audacity of the two of you! Kim your skin looks like you bobbed for french fries last Hallowe'en and Donna dear from what I hear you have bloated up enough to have saved everyone from the sinking Titanic! As far as me not contacting you again - no problemo! You can have my IM and email blocked. Just ask Kim I'm sure she can help you there too.Kim, the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back for me wasn't the slaps or the throwing of coffee but listening to you and Aaron Wright (a student, of Six Sigma not a cofacilitator) sharing someone else's test results and literally calling him an idiot. Not to mention that you held the fact that you falsified my test results over my head everyday.Sorry babe but I had the misfortune of working (with?) you for almost a year and you quite frankly couldn't train a cat to piss in a house plant! How often did you tell me (after coming back from Orillia and Timmins) that those f'n idiots can't grasp a f'n thing! Process Princess, how many times did you alter Corporate processes (and documents) to suit your own needs? I have proof! Youl'd tell me that you had created something then I'd go to it's properties only to find that you didn't.I am happy to hear that the Sudbury site of the "Corporate Coven" has convened and are finally cooperating. Sorry about the alliteration. Oops again, Kim! A word with more than two syllables.As I said to Donna on our first IM - Teletech is behind me.
Good bye and good luck to all!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Painting Tips - Day Two

Well I got up today thinking all would be better viewing things through clear eyes. Well, one clear eye anyway.
I took me a while to duct tape the remainder of my glasses together. Not a bad job I might say. The silver goes rather well with my ring and chain.

After a very few hours of sleep I started the coffee and jumped into a much-needed shower. Still a tad groggy from lack of sleep, paint fumes and beer (after all it was only the crack of noon!) I stepped into the still water filled paint tray that I had put in the tub to wash.
I slipped cracked my tailbone one the edge of the bathtub and fell into a stream of ice cold water. (It takes a while for the hot water to get up to the third floor)
Now fully awake, I realised that when they say, "latex paint will wash off with soap and water," they mean immediately after use! The bottom of my tub is now (mostly) the colour of the aforementioned Clearasil. (Except for a couple of footprints which have been transferred to my bathmat.)
As I said I was a little groggy and desperately needed some coffee. I went to the kitchen only to find that I had neglected to put the pot under the filter. I couldn’t care. I managed to put on another pot as I licked up what was all over the countertop.
Finally, with coffee in hand I walked into the living room to admire my "artwork".
I turned my head just in time to avoid the carpet as I vomited the cold can of beans that I had eaten five hours previously. Mike (my ever so understanding, compassionate and helpful neighbour) was right. The colour was literally nauseating.
Undaunted, I said to Marcel (Whoever he is. Probably a friend of this Mexican relative of mine, Jesus. I’ve never met him either but he signs all my birthday cards saying, "he loves me too." But that is another story.) you have a job to do - well okay redo.
I mixed the remainder of the "Cottonwood" and "Terra Cotta" sans the "J.D. Green Super High Gloss Enamel" and went to work. Starting at the baseboards of course.
A few hours later and thinking, "hell THIS colour ain’t bad" I needed to get up higher. I knew better this time than to use my desk chair so I grabbed a kitchen chair.
For some reason this chair seemed a bit wobbly. Then it dawned on me that, "oh yeah I purchased these wonderful wooden things from that exclusive "import" store Zellers four years ago. I also recalled that I had assembled them in the dark on my balcony after another LaBatt’s Blue inspired evening.
Unfortunately I realised this a tad too late as the chair crumbled beneath me. With one arm already in a sling and the other still feeling like rubber from my first masterpiece, there was little strength to stop the FULL paint tray landing on the carpet. Yes the same carpet that I had so adroitly avoided from the egested beans.
Ah, but luck is a funny thing! It turned out that the beans and my paint were the same colour.
Marcel, you’re brilliant! Because I was rapidly running out paint, I threw the beans (yes they were still on the floor) in with what was left of my supply. Hell those decorating bitches are always talking about "textured" walls.
Just as I was in the midst of cleaning up one of many messes my neighbours came a knocking.
"Hi Rob says Mike. I just brought Karyn up to show her your new paint job." (More like, Karyn you won’t believe what that dumb Finlander has done now!)
Karyn, totally out of character was speechless. She pulled one of those – cover all your teeth with as much lip as you can muster looks. Well she couldn’t hold it for long and began to give some unsolicited decorating advice. What was this? "Straight Eye on They Gay Guy"?
Ushering the two of them out the door, I tossed Karyn’s opinions into the pile along with Martha’s Lynette’s and Debbie’s.
Having had enough for yet another day, I "stuck" the remainder of my pictures and paintings onto the still wet and possibly edible walls. (They tend to fall off less easily anyway.)
It was time to make dinner. Opening up one of the crispers, lo and behold two ice-cold beers. Hmm? Inspiration or relaxation?
I’ll let you know.
Do not paint your old wooden toilet seat with High Gloss John Deere Green before you go to bed with the presumption that it will be dry by morning!

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Killer Kool-Aids?

Okay, I was fine with the lemon scented furniture polish but I think things are getting a tad out of hand not to mention dangerous.
What the hell is with orange coloured and scented Pine-Sol and Fantastic?
Then there is now "Green Apple Lysol"!
It goes without saying that we are ultimately responsible for keeping cleaning/dangerous products from our children.
But if anyone who has been the charge of a toddler knows that eventually and inevitably they will somehow get into something/somewhere they shouldn’t. Regardless how vigilant you are or how well you’ve battened down the hatches.
What’s next? "Apricot Anti-freeze"? Ask any delirious, staggering house pet and I’m sure they’ll attest to its sweetness. Would it take that much effort/cost to make it less attractive/tasty? .
"Jelly Bean Javex"? Or just, "Blueberry Bleach"?
"Lime Liquid Plumber"?
"Candy Cane Clorox"/ "Comet"?
"Watermelon Windex"?
"Grape Gasoline"?
Why not just plain old "Strawberry Sulphuric Acid?
What ever happened to good old soap/vinegar and water? If you clean on a fairly regular basis and these toxins wouldn’t be necessary.
You want your home to smell "orange fresh"? Peel one, hand it to your toddler and trust me any room that child enters will smell like orange!
Just "Ranta and Raving"

Me and Laurie-Anne pissed as newts.  Posted by Hello

Me and my goddaughters (by the way, I'm the one in the middle).  Posted by Hello